dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
