I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
