Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
