No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
