Don't make out with my wife yet
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The beer is more important than you right now.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
