i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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