I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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