can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
