Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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