I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
