yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
