look no pants
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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