If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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