I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need a beard to bite.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
