Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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