You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
