You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
