Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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