"it" just moved
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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