matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
