What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
