Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize