I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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