This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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