I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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