M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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