I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
