Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he thought i was a dude.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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