There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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