I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
