And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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