I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize