with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
