Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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