Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
