I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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