girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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