I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
