No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
