we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
