Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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