we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what day is it and did you see me today?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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