someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
