But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
