I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We had to coat check the pizza.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
