I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize