So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
