Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
