i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
