I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize