She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
