Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
the liver wants what the liver wants
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
