I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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