we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
