She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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