I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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