I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
