I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
