What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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