Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
