Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
