if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
