I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize