ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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