I wanna bring you to show and tell
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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