i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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