at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
