Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize