the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
