Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
