I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
did i walk over a car last night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
