I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
