i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize