Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
time to smoke my breakfast
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
