Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
