do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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