He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
