So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
