My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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