I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize