his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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