Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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