Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
