You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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