so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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