My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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