Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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