Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
