Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
